What do you get when you have horrible cafeteria food? A big problem!!! At my school I see lots of People getting there lunches and then throwing them in the garbage. And then they eat nothing. We have a problem with our cafeteria food.
The hot dogs are green, and they can bounce!! The chickedys with the potatoes are just a big pile of mush. None of this food is very good at all. (Why do you think this happens? Is it because the food service cannot afford better food because they charge just a little for the food?)
I thank a good solution is that we get a diffrent lunch serves to make our food. We could have a bar and you could get all typs of food, not tha just one type so we at least hove a choice. You basically said this in the earlier part of the sentence.
Good start, Graham. Now keeping developing the details of your solutions and write a conclusion. ideas- 4 Your idea is very clear , but you don't have a conclusion in which to repeat it. Organization - 2 You had your idea organized from the beginning to the middle, but forgot the end. Word Choice 5 Voice 4 Your descriptions were very specific. Now, how about, giving the verbs some zing, too. Fluency 5 Good job of varying sentence lengths and beginnings Conventions 3 Some spelling and one capitalization problem
Problem-Solution Essay
School Play Test
1. Introduction and thesis
2. Details about the problem
3. Propose solution
4. Details about the propose solution
5. Conclusion
What do you get when you have horrible cafeteria food? A big problem!!!
At my school I see lots of People getting there lunches and then throwing
them in the garbage. And then they eat nothing. We have a problem with our cafeteria food.
The hot dogs are green, and they can bounce!! The chickedys
with the potatoes are just a big pile of mush. None of this food is very good at
all. (Why do you think this happens? Is it because the food service cannot afford better food because they
charge just a little for the food?)
I thank a good solution is that we get a diffrent lunch serves to make our
food. We could have a bar and you could get all typs of food, not tha just one type
so we at least hove a choice. You basically said this in the earlier part of the sentence.
Good start, Graham. Now keeping developing the details of your solutions and write a conclusion.
ideas- 4 Your idea is very clear , but you don't have a conclusion in which to repeat it.
Organization - 2 You had your idea organized from the beginning to the middle, but forgot the end.
Word Choice 5
Voice 4 Your descriptions were very specific. Now, how about, giving the verbs some zing, too.
Fluency 5 Good job of varying sentence lengths and beginnings
Conventions 3 Some spelling and one capitalization problem
total points = 23 = B-